


Catching falling stars

by SmugCake



Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: F/M, M/M, Trigger:cancer, Trigger:terminal illness, switching POVs
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2013-12-04
Updated: 2014-01-31
Packaged: 2018-01-03 11:05:01
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 7,221
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1069724
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SmugCake/pseuds/SmugCake
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>“It was a gift, remaining so detached from patients as he could. But then what made him so different from those other kids he’d seen coming and going in the five years he worked here? What made Eren Jaeger that special little snowflake that brought out the best and the worst of him?”</p><p>Levi has it all; an outstanding career, caring friends and a loving fiancée. But one day he meets a boy, Eren Jaeger, who is much less fortunate. Through a life changing journey through therapies, consolation and fighting cancer; Levi learns how easily life can take a turn for the worst.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Diagnose

**Author's Note:**

> This is something I have been planning on for years, but haven't been able to actually put into the right form and fandom up until now. Sometimes the best way of moving on is to put it into an art form. So that’s what I’m doing right now.
> 
> JD, this one’s for you dude.

Levi had never been the optimistic kind of guy, not in the slightest. The sole reason for his misanthropic demeanor had been none of anyone’s business and he refused to mingle any of his private concerns into his working environment and had been prosperous in that aspect. He hardly spoke about anything other than work.

His master degree in medicine had been his golden ticket into one of the finest hospitals in Trost. As the lucky bastard he was, being well acquainted with the director’s eldest son Erwin Smith, it hadn’t been much of a challenge to get in. He simply waved his curriculum vitae in front of the old man’s nose and he could start the very next morning. It had been five years since.

He strode towards the west wing one cold November morning - his domain, as many of his co-workers nicknamed it. Eight o’clock right on the dot was his usual starting time and with his clean record, Levi made quite the name around Trost’s most prominent and thriving hospital, Sina.

There was always a trend in the patients he got, they went from the phantom-pain cases to the terminally ill. He worked all-round, it was a miracle he hadn’t collapsed yet. But Levi was a pro, able to separate his personal life from worklife was probably one of his utmost priorities. Just recently he’d managed to cure someone from Thalassemia without relapse, the whole team had been on top of their game from then on and the deaths of many had been prevented for a period of five months.

“Levi! The results of the urine examination are in, Mr Pixis can leave after he’s gotten his injections.” Hanji Zoe, laborant and Levi’s university classmate, ran up to him on his way - shoving her clipboard into his face. “If you could go see him before days end we could have him back home tonight.”

With an uninterested glance Levi snatched the clipboard from her hands. Mr Pixis had been around way too long, one of those Munchausen patients. He had been around for months now, presumably ill - little was true though. “Just inject him with the placebo, that’ll keep him away from us for a while.”

Hanji gave a firm nod, scooping her board from the male’s hands. “It’s about time he gets out, anyways, are we still on?” There it was, that trademark grin of hers. Levi knew what it meant of course. “You know Petra’s coming too.”

Petra Ral, ironically enough his fiancée, always accepted Hanji’s drinking invitations - to Levi’s annoyance. He sighed and stopped in his tracks, they would go separate ways from there on. “Depends on my shift.” He replied, hands disappearing in the long white overcoat. “Do take Petra under your wing, I know where to find you.”

“Always so uptight, when are you going to start enjoying your life a little?”

Levi sometimes wonder the exact same thing. The answer was simple, though; He was way too devoted to his career that there was no room for mindless shenanigans. “When all my patients get out fully cured.” And with that he took his leave, leaving Hanji to watch him go off on his own. He could feel her eyes on his back, a really unpleasant sensation.

After his daily morning routine; a cup of pitch black coffee and the Daily Titan, Levi made his way towards his department. Today’s list was packed once again, many of his patients needed their daily check-ups which nurses couldn’t just do on their own. But seemingly that wasn’t just all, he was assigned a brand new patient as well.

The thing about new patients was that Levi had to put effort in getting to know more about them than just their medical conditions. He had to, what Hanji called, “bond” with them. The chart would tell him the rough details, but to know what more there was to his patients was all up to him to find out.

Eren Jaeger was the name of his brand new patient; a teenager of eighteen, high school senior in Trost High school. The boy came in fidgety, shoulders drooping as he got himself to sit in front of his doctor. Levi studied him as he moved, trying to pinpoint any clear signs of injury of some sort. His chart told him he had been forwarded to him after some continuous headaches and strange nausea.

“So, what’s your name kid?” Levi asked, starting off as it was custom. It gave patients a sense of control, eased them a little - well, most of the time that was.  

“Eren, sir.. Eren Jaeger.” A small smile curled the young boy’s lips upward, childish innocence sparkling in his eyes. He surely didn’t understand the seriousness of the situation he was currently in and would probably take a moment to actually come to terms with it. Levi had seen many of those cases before.

“And how are we feeling today, Eren?”

“Oh. Well, my head hurts a little but I’ve grown used to that. I’ve been throwing up a lot, this morning was the last time.”

While the young boy summed up his concerns Levi could already get to a conclusion; yet to get to a full blown and most of all evident conclusion he had to dig a little deeper.

“I’m going to do a small routine check-up now, if you would please underdress and get into the gown.” Levi instructed as protocol, pointing at the hospital gown hanging from the toilet door. Once the boy seemed to be finding his way around he left him there to change clothes, retreating to the corridors for a little while.

“So, what did you get?” Erwin had been outside, knowing Levi would be around somewhere. It was hard to read Levi’s expressions at times but Erwin had gotten quite skilled. “You don’t look so good.”

“I’m not certain just yet; most of the symptoms match. His neck looks more swollen than it should but it could as well be minor inflammations.” Levi told as he scribbled on the board he held in hand. “If he’s unfortunate, non-Hodgkin.”

Erwin sighed, scratching the back of his head with a look of concern. “Haven’t had those around in a while, you’re up for it?”

“Do I have a choice?”

Erwin wanted to answer with one of his motivational speeches - Levi could see that - but was cut off when Eren popped his head around the door, embarrassment painted his face. “S-Sir, I changed.”

“Well then, I’ll see you later a lunch Erwin. You still owe me coffee.” Levi said, getting a comical scoff from Erwin before he slipped back into his office. There he found Eren, standing there in that ugly hospital gown. It honestly was an eyesore and it didn’t work on anyone, and literally everybody would feel self conscious in those ugly drapes.

Levi did the mandatory check-up; checking heart rate, reflexes et al. It was when he checked the things he feared he would find he sighed. He could clearly feel the lumps under the surface of the skin. His pits and neck were thick with those and it verified Levi’s prior hunch.  

As his fingertips brushed along the boy’s skin he could feel him flinch, which was common of course. It made him aware that they were in fact still there - still very much alive. There were plenty of things pleasurable than an examination of this kind, even more when the outcome was bad.

“It’s a good thing they brought you here kid, I think we’ve stumbled onto something that will take more than just simple antibiotics.”Levi announced, there was just no way around it. As a doctor, surgeon or what ever medical profession; you were always the bringer of bad news.

Eren, clearly shaken from his statement, opened his mouth in order to say something, yet he paused before he actually did. Also something Levi saw often. “Sir.. Is it something bad?”

“I hate beating around the bush so listen closely,” Levi returned behind his desk, ticking some boxes on his chart. “Those headaches as well as the nausea, I’m sure you’ve realised even before you got here that they aren’t the usual deal.” When Eren nodded in agreement he continued. “But it’s the lumps, those around your neck and axilla are the cause of Non-Hodgkin Lymphoma, I’m about eighty percent positive from what I saw yet to establish if it’s the real deal we’ll have to make a full-body CT scan.”

Apparently his little doctor’s talk had gotten a bit out of hand, Eren’s expression was one of sheer confusion. “Excuse me sir but what is No-Hopkins Lym.. that Hopkins thing?”

“ _Non-Hodgkin Lymphoma_ ,” Levi corrected. “Is a blood disease, well, really cancer derived from the Lymphocyte.”

“Wait.. Cancer?” The news, whether young or old, dropped like a bomb. And so it did for Eren Jaeger. He was perplexed, sitting there twiddling his thumbs out of strain. Yet Levi didn’t show any kind of dismay as he looked at him - he’d had many of such cases before, all he could do was to promise recover which was still a gamble.

“It is treatable.” Levi added almost immediately, leafing through his documents. “You’ve come at just the right time before the cancer cells could spread even further, we can actually make sure to protect other vital organs from getting infected. It won’t be easy, but there’s mostly a fifty percent chance of recovery.”

Of course it was a hard one to swallow, though the boy kept himself fairly strong. He looked straight into the doctor’s eyes, which made the man a slight bit uncomfortable. Eyes were strong organs, they showed so much more than people ever thought of.. and to Levi they opened his own to new things. This boy was scared, yes, but there was this glow in there - fighter’s spirit.

“I guess.. I’ll be coming around more often, then?” He said, a rather bitter smile curling his lips. All Levi allowed himself to do was nod in response.

As soon as Eren Jaeger had walked into the hospital he walked back out, yet with a heavy burden causing his shoulders to droop when he went for the exit. Levi watched him go, his parents waiting for him there. He had a lot to explain, normally Levi would be the one informing parents about their childs’ illness yet Eren had refused it.

Levi didn’t know if he was actually stupid or more likely brave.

That afternoon Levi visited Erwin’s office, who often took over for his father to run business as usual. Despite doing his utmost best to keep up his usual attitude Erwin had gotten to him before he could even verbally fight him off.

“I checked the files, he’ll be coming ‘round again tomorrow, correct?”

Levi let his body sink against the wall, giving him access to look out of the window. The sky was as gloomy as the entire day had been. Normally Levi wouldn’t be bothered by it, but today it looked like a bad omen.  “I scheduled him for a CT scan in the morning. The sooner we have credible evidence we can start making schedules for treatment.”

“You sure you are alright? I could’ve Nile taking it over?” Erwin offered.

“You think I can’t do it?”

Erwin fell silent, to Levi’s relief. Sure he knew Erwin went through such effort to make him feel a little better, but was that really what he needed right now? It wasn’t about him anyway. He was merely the one trying to find a cure that would fit best to get that damn cancer out of the boy - so he could live life normally again.

But it was only the start of the road. A road that could take years to finally reach the end, but with time being a hard mistress, nothing was certain. Nothing was actually secure.


	2. Difficulty

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "I was surprisingly tranquil waiting in the whitewashed hospital corridor, assuming I would feel highly uneasy seeing the situation I was in. I tried thinking positively; Dr. Levi was doing his utmost best to get things to work out well for me - willing to provide me the best treatment possible. At least that was relieving in a way. "

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Slowly reading myself into the fic, research-wise. Constructing a path to follow which is closely related to the thing I know. It will be a tough road but I guess it will be relieving at the end.
> 
> Thanks to the people who've taken the time to show support on the previous, hope you'll join me on a rather interesting journey!

Levi

-☤-

I woke up with incredible back pain, such irony for a doctor to wake up with physical issues himself. Though I wouldn’t allow it stepping on my game and got up as soon as my alarm reminded me it was half past six in the morning, which roughly meant it was about time to start my usual routine. Beside me I could hear Petra groan in agony over the hellish sound of the device on my side of the bed, it was her own fault anyway for winding up coming home at four in the morning after Hanji had persuaded her to tag along on her pub adventures. She also knew very well that I had morning shift nearly every day.

Breakfast was as usual; toast with a thick layer of jelly and a cup of strong black tea to start my morning. It would keep me going till, at least, when I would get to work. It was an essential part of my morning routine, just as much as a shower was. It wasn’t just a matter of hygiene, but a strange OCD I had managed coping with throughout my entire life. Dark circles were nearly inevitable, looking in the mirror becoming more of a drag each day. In the end I would either decide not to acknowledge they were there nearly every morning and probably weren’t going to leave any time soon, or actually get proper sleep for once.

I returned to the bedroom when fully dressed, leaving me about five minutes max to tell Petra I would be off. She looked at me with small eyes, full of exhaustion and slight intoxication from the night before, presumably.

“Good luck today.” She muttered against my lips as I allowed her to kiss me, despite the horrendous smell coming from her mouth - a mixture of morning breath and the many tequila she drank. 

“Will need that.” Of course I had told her about my schedule for today, or rather she asked me how tight I would be to maybe squeeze in a lunch date somewhere - unfortunately my spare time had been scarce lately.

She would complain about it, but later forgive me. It was like a continuous loop I had gotten stuck in, a drag called life.

Starting of a day like this always took me a while, but that day even the continuity of songs I knew from my college years did not achieve any form of excitement from my part. Dully I tapped my fingers on the steering wheel, squeezing myself through the endless morning traffic jams. It did however thrive into arriving in time to uphold my clean record.

Sometimes, while downing my second cup of tea in the morning, I took a moment to come to terms with that today would bring - how many lives were registered on my name today? How many of them would be crossed out at the end? As emotionally detached I acted to be, there was no way none of them could ever strike a dent in my defence.

My appointment with radiologist Nanaba had been scheduled as the starter of my day, but was interrupted pretty rapid as Erwin met me on the way to the third floor. Whenever such a rash meeting would happen it was almost certain that Erwin was there to bring me some bad news. “Nanaba does not agree on a CT until we’ve done a biopsy on Eren Jaeger.” There it was, she had always gone against my decisions from the start, I already saw it coming.

“How much more evidence does she want to have shoved in her face before she’ll stop being so butthurt over it?” I filed my complaint as usual - Which made Erwin snort just slightly in return. “The kid’s nodes are clearly in the worst possible state. It can hardly be called inflammation anymore and you damn well know that!”

“Let’s just do the biopsy or there would be too much of a hassle, we can’t use that.” Erwin countered, handing me the clipboard that held Eren’s medical records as well as the papers I would need for his examination. “We’ll be losing too much time if we don’t go with it, I assigned you a surgery room and everything so when he comes in you can just go right a-”

“Losing time? You know what makes us lose time? Getting on with that fucking biopsy!” For a moment it felt as if everyone had forgotten the time it would take for the lab to run tests after the biopsy - even when they had Hanji assigned to it. “We don’t have time to wait for two weeks, NHL can increase within matters of seconds if we don’t interfere right away!”

The elevator beeped once we reached the third floor, we stepped out together to continue our talk as we headed over to the Radiology department. Erwin sighed just slightly, but I knew he was thinking things through now. He hardly ever doubted my words, he did once and his mistakes had come back around to bite him in the ass and much to my personal amusement. That didn’t mean he would always give me the upper hand, though.

“I can see what I can do..”

“You better!” I left it at that, not able to argue with Erwin now as my appointments would be starting in less than five minutes and I still had to get started up. If there was something I hated beside filth, it was tardiness, and I would even begrudge myself if I did so.  

Half of the time I felt like I was surrounded by idiots and wondered how they’d ever managed to get a hold of a degree that allowed them to work in here. Alas, I had to take everything as it was and continue business as usual, which ended up being way harder than I had thought. Mr Pixis refused leaving the hospital after being thoroughly examined for any medical conditions. After explaining his insurance wouldn’t be able to cover for all the expenses, however, he seemed less fond of his own idea. He would be out at the end of the day, thank God.

Soon I found myself wandering towards my office, it was nearly eleven which meant Eren Jaeger would soon be around. There was something about treating that guy that made me feel just a little bit uneasy. I couldn’t quite pinpoint what it was that made me hesitant to take this onto me. Yet still I called out for him in the waiting room when the clock struck eleven on the dot.

Eren seemed even more nervous today, which I didn’t judge him for. I didn’t even fret asking how the little talk with his parents would’ve gone as the bags under his eyes were pretty self-explanatory. And I was a doctor after all, not a psychologist.

“I’m still really nauseous.. Maybe a little more than before now I think of it.” Eren told me after offering him a drink and asking him how he was feeling since yesterday. “And there’s this itch like, everywhere. It’s really annoying that I constantly have to somehow scratch in the most.. inappropriate places.” His face was flushed by the end of his sentences, and if it wasn’t a serious matter to be discussed I would probably have more difficulty keeping myself from laughing.

“Has there been an increase in the swelling?” I got on my feet swiftly, which startled Eren a little. I made him tilt his head to the side, but I could clearly see the swollen nodes in his neck area. They looked bigger than the other day.

I soon offered to do another quick routine check-up, maybe that would secure my earlier statement of this boy deserving that CT scan to fast forward to treatment, and hopefully a swift recovery.

“As far as I can see, the nodes have increased in size.”

“Sir.. “ But he shut up before he actually went on, causing me to look up to him from my squatted position. I cocked a brow, nonverbally urging him to get to the point. “How.. sure are you it’s this Hopkins disease?”

With a sigh I got back on my feet, noticing when I had fully risen that even though the teenager was about seventeen years my junior he was still evidently taller than I was. My height was one of my many issues. “Non-Hodgkin. And I’m as sure as to establish that it is, but not quite as sure what type we’re dealing with. You see, there’s a distinction between indolent and aggressive lymphoma. That, and if they are in the T or the B-cells.”

To me of course, this sounded plausible, but to someone with not the slightest medical knowledge would be confused by my words. Eren was no different, he looked at me in such perplexity that I swore I could see his soul leave his body for a split second.

“You’ll understand in time.”

“.. Yes sir.”

I couldn’t blame Eren for being anxious, standing there with practically every piece of clothing removed from his body. He was rather boney and I figured he hardly ate in fear of throwing up right after. After telling him he could get his clothes back on, which took him less than a minute, we were heading over to the Radiology department. Eren followed me in silence, which was probably for the best.

Silently I hoped Erwin had figured out a way to convince Nanaba in preparing that CT scan, the biopsy could always be done as a later option to tie up some loose ends. Unfortunately luck wasn’t on my side today.

“It’s protocol Erwin and you damn well know that!”

“Listen, it might be worse than we think, the importance of an overview might be crucial right now. We need to know how far along he is, for all we know he could be advancing to a stage three right now.”

“I follow procedures by the rules, tell Levi to come with the biopsy first.”

Only the sound of her voice caused me to be ambushed by a tremendous headache. I raised my hand, stopping Eren in his tracks. “Wait here for second alright? Or no, even better take a seat over there and stay there until I get you, understood?”

“Yeah, I guess.” Eren said, the strain in his voice was enough evidence to me - He’d heard as much as I had.

I went ahead, closing in on Nanaba and Erwin who seemed too indulged into their little argument that they didn’t even notice me at first. Only when I cleared my throat enough to make them acknowledge me that I was. “So how’s that CT scan plan coming along?” Acting moronic was my way of sarcasm, which I thought fitted this equally stupid argument quite well. Sadly it didn’t always work the way I wanted.

Nanaba threw me her signature look, her eyes hawkishly focused on me. “I don’t know, should there be any?”

“Nanaba listen, when has Levi been wrong?” Erwin argued in my favour.

“It’s not about being right or wrong here, if I don’t follow the formalities it’s my head they’ll have for it. And according to it a biopsy is the first test for diagnosis.”

“But that takes up to two weeks!” Having the same conversation twice a day fatigued me. “Even Hanji won’t be able to miraculously speed up the process.”

Nanaba fell silent for a while, presumably thinking things over. Tough luck, she soon shook her head in disagreement. “No biopsy and clear diagnosis, no CT scan.”

I had to refrain from cursing out loud, therefore swallowed back the many offensive remarks I could’ve made. With that went a part of my pride. “Fine, have it your way.” I sneered just to state my discontent. Women, stubborn as fuck.

Eren

-☤-

I like a lot of things. Just like any other, at least I think, I enjoy to be around people. Friends mostly, family too. But I tend to really enjoy the most trivial things. Like the way the kitchen smells of toast every morning, how my mother’s lips feel against my cheek as she forces yet another kiss on me before I can slip out of the backdoor. But also how Mikasa is always way ahead of me and makes me feel a little silly about running off from my mom instead of appreciating her affection. Probably something only teenage boys with worrisome mothers could relate to.

I like how even Jean Kirschstein can’t ruin everything on a daily base, even though he constantly makes out with my sister during lunch break and I have to watch how their tongues intertwine between their lips. But also how Armin does a great job in distracting me and persuades me into working ahead on our history project.

Though those things that seemed so trivial until recently, were so essential to me now. Ever since the start of the week I had been distancing myself from any form of entertainment. I skipped band practice twice which created some sort of rumour around my tight group of friends.

Of course I hadn’t had the guts so far to tell them I was diagnosed with node cancer.

Mikasa knew, however. As my adoptive sister she was as much a part of the family as I was. The day I received news of my health issues, not even granted the time to come to terms with it myself, I had told both her and my parents about it. Well, as much as I knew myself as things weren’t as clear to me at that point.

She’d been with me the entire day, sitting side by side on my bed as we both choked on our words the moment one of us tried to vocalize our thoughts. We ended up silently playing games on my Playstation 3 until I felt too tired to concentrate on the screen. And even then she would not go.

My parents had a hard time accepting that I was ill; my father denied the whole thing and refused to talk about it, while my mother had been more over me than she ever had. At night I heard her cry, only to be silenced by my father who told her to shut up. Those ghosts haunted me the entire night, granting me no sleep at all.

The most overwhelming thing happened the day after I got semi-diagnosed. My doctor felt so unapproachable and, well, it could be just my own perception on things but he didn’t look particularly happy most of the time. I figured being a doctor was both a blessing and a burden. I myself wouldn’t be able to be in such a position, therefore respected the man even if it was just a little.

Though Dr. Levi had been straightforward since day one and seemed to have no difficulty dropping the bad news in, just like that. He didn’t even try to make it sound any better than it was. And for some reason, I was okay with that.

I was surprisingly tranquil waiting in the whitewashed hospital corridor, assuming I would feel highly uneasy seeing the situation I was in. I tried thinking positively; Dr. Levi was doing his utmost best to get things to work out well for me - willing to provide me the best treatment possible. At least that was relieving in a way.

I allowed myself to wander off in thought for a while. The white surrounding me slipping me in a rather hypnagogic state. Nothing hurt for a while, as if the sterile scent eased everything and numbed me completely.

For a while everything was just fine.

Before I comprehend allowed my lids to fall close, sinking deeper into that serene feeling of transparency. I blended into the walls, became one with it until I lost control of reality. Everything turned cold, shivers running down my spine rapidly as I had difficulty breathing. The comfort disappeared, my senses once again returning with an agonizing aftermath. As if broiling liquid coursed through my veins, my lungs yearning for oxygen.

Slowly the surroundings started changing, until I realized I was lying on my back. A bright light urged me to wake up and when I did I gasped for much desired air. In blind panic I grabbed hold onto the first thing that was closest to get my hands on, letting out a terrified whimper. I didn’t know what just had happened, nor did I want to understand.

“You’re stretching my good shirt, brat.”

“..Excuse me?” It wasn’t until I had completely snapped out of it that I noticed my hands held Dr. Levi’s shirt in a rather frenetic grasp. To prevent getting scold at a second time I swiftly let go of him.

“You passed out before I could even come and get you.” He explained soon after I had calmed down. I forced down a glass of cooled water down my throat as he spoke. “As for today’s business, change of plans; we’ll be doing a biopsy on you first. Roughly it means our laborant will be taking a tissue sample, or rather it’s a small operation to take out a lymph node for further testing.”

It always surprised me how much medical talk would confuse me even more. But in order to stay a little discreet and cut Dr. Levi some slack I nodded slightly. He seemed pretty bummed out already.

“I’ve numbed the area just beneath your armpit, no worries alright? We’ll start within half an hour to get the local anaesthetic to work.”

“Sir, shouldn’t I get changed for that?” I asked, feeling a little overwhelmed after waking. My surroundings still felt a little foreign to me.

Dr Levi raised a brow at me. “I did that for you.”

It took me a while to notice that, indeed, I was wearing the plain grey hospital gown again, the knots on his back thoroughly tied. “Shit..”

:”See it as a favour, spares you the energy and the trouble.”

It was for the best to keep my mouth shut now, trying to ignore how hot my cheeks were as I watched him leave. I was left with the terrifying thought that Dr. Levi had seen me naked about five times since I arrived here the other day.


	3. Acceptance

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "Sooner or later I would have to accept that things would never be the same again."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I want to thank every one of you readers, so far, for being here! 
> 
> There might be a possibility that I am pretty obsessed with the band Imagine Dragons. Sorry not sorry.

Eren

-☤-

Due to the lack of sleep I had the night before I had slept through the biggest part of the day. The biopsy had been weird, if not painful. Luckily the anaesthetic made sure I wouldn’t feel a thing, and not even halfway through the surgery my eyelids had turned heavy. I had slept for what seemed hours and when I woke up it felt as if I had just awoken from a very deep sleep, it felt as if I had slept for hours yet my head was still throbbing painfully. Sleep just never did it for proper rest.

A nurse took care of me, providing me food. I felt as light-headed as I had not that long ago, when I passed out, and feared for one that it would happen to me any second. It didn’t however and slowly I felt my strength returning into me. I spent my time watching Phineas and Ferb until 3 P.M. when Dr. Levi made his appearance, looking even more worn out than I had seen him before.

“Our laborant said she will be looking at the tissue somewhere this afternoon, it might take her up to two weeks to come to a detailed diagnosis of your illness.” He said, I just nodded my head briefly as a token I understood what he was saying. It also gave me the opportunity to study the doctor as he went on explaining the state of affairs.

Levi seemed so out of place; he was uncommonly short, you could almost say petite as he probably didn’t reach over 5”4’. Regardless of knowing this man for just a couple of days he always seemed tired, the clear bags under his slanted eyes were clearly visible in contrast to his rather pale complexion - making them stand out even more. Other than his name and what my own observations could reveal, I knew nothing about him.

“I’ll make sure to you’ll get the results as soon as we have them, you can get dressed and head home if you feel stable enough.”

“Thank you.. sir.” I prompted before he could suddenly leave again, wanting to at least thank him properly. “Even though that CT scan didn’t go through, I appreciate you took the time to try.”

Even in my head that sounded extremely lame, Dr Levi eyed me with a look that I couldn’t really define. “It’s my job, don’t mention it.” He said, in a way I found slightly degrading towards himself. Yet I kept my thoughts to myself, he didn’t seem to show much interest anyway.

I stayed behind for roughly another thirty minutes, so caught up in an episode of Fairly Odd Parents that I totally forgot to give Mikasa a call. She’d promised to pick me up from the hospital when she would drive home from school. Figuring she should be there I changed back into my own clothes, told the nurse I was allowed to leave and was out within a minute - leaving the white walls and the sterile scent behind me.

My gut feeling was confirmed the moment a familiar honk caught my attention; Jean’s car wasn’t hard to miss as it was pitch black with a flame pattern around the wheels. It was so tacky looking, yet the sad part was that it was the guy’s treasure, to great annoyance of Mikasa. Without a word I just got myself on the back seat, throwing my bag to the other side which got me an instant complaint from Jean.

“So, what’s the news?” Mikasa asked, not allowing me a break.

“I had to do this surgery, a biopsy they called it. It wasn’t anything worth mentioning.”

I could feel Mikasa’s eyes were on me, staring at me through the rearview mirror. I ignored it completely.

“Sorry to hear it man, Mikasa just told me on the way here.” Jean told, pulling onto the streets that would lead us back home.

For a moment I glared at my sister through the mirror, immediately receiving a stern frown in return. It wasn’t that I particularly minded Jean to know, but I didn’t want to spread things around before things were clearly diagnosed. However blaming Mikasa wasn’t going to make things any better for all of us, I decided to just let it slide this time.

Jean and I had this strange kind of forced friendship going on, we didn’t get along most of the time and seeing him fooling around with Mikasa whenever he pleased would often offended me. Yet since we happened to be playing in the same cover band, Imagine Titans, we had no choice but bury the hatchet and make do with the mandatory time spent together.

“I’ll get results within two weeks.” I finally stated, my eyes wandering outside. “But if I start feeling worse before they get the results back I need to tell them.”

“Two weeks? So many could happen in two weeks!” Mikasa seemed as frustrated by the rather ridiculous time it would take to get any answers out of the experiment. It reminded me of how Dr Levi had gone against it.

“Hey, Eren can fend for himself. He won’t go down so easily, right champ?”

“Jean stop acting like a dad.”

“I’m just trying to be nice here.”

I let the two argue on their own, granting myself some time apart from any cancer related thoughts. I thought of how much school would be changing for me, but how I still needed to help Armin out with that history project. How I had promised to go to the next pep rally of the Trost Titans with Connie and Sasha.. How he needed to get back to band practice again as in two weeks we had our first gig outside school. Silently I hoped my current health wouldn’t interfere and hinder me from living the life I was used living.

Sooner or later I would have to accept that things would never be the same again.

I was overjoyed when Jean dropped us off at home, meaning he wouldn’t be around tonight as we usually was lately. We ended up back in my room, where we settled for a game of Tekken 6. It was the perfect time for me to complain about Jean to her. Of course she was fed up with me coming back to that subject all the time but I just had to think of something else than my health and the stupid cancer.

“You said you’d never even consider going out with him!” I lamented, more of less because of losing yet another round to Mikasa.

“Eren, girls dig musicians. It’s an unspoken rule in the girl code that no matter what you always go for the musicians.”

I frowned. “Then why don’t I have a girlfriend?”

“Lead singers.”

“What? But I sing too!”

“Lead singers who play guitar.”

And there I lost again. Mikasa told me how one time she’d seen Jean perform some Fall Out Boy song at the school’s talent show and suddenly thought that snobby Jean Kirschstein was remotely ten times more attractive handling that guitar, even more with that remarkable fingerwork during the solo.

I wasn’t sure what she meant by that.

“Is there someone you like?” Mikasa asked me as I waited for her to pick a new character to fight with.

“Not really.. I haven’t really thought about it.” I wasn’t really active when it came to love interests, while all around me my friends one by one got hooked up. It didn’t bother me as much. And it was pretty much the last thing I would think of now. Mikasa knew I wasn’t that eager.

Dinner followed soon, pushing me from the one tense atmosphere into the other. My father seemed to ignore me even more than he usually did, my mother kept on trying to get to the subject but I blew it off altogether. Mikasa just silently watched us, and for a moment I wished I could just disappear into thin air.

Dinner didn’t taste the same either; everything that used to taste bland was too salty, which tasted salty was now suddenly bland. Was this how it was going to be from now on?

I retreated to my room, just wandering around a little until my own reflection in the mirror caught my eye. With a nibble on my bottom lip I slowly lifted my shirt up to expose my pit - finding a patch of plaster covering what I assumed to be a scar.

Yes, this was the beginning of it all, wasn’t it?

‘I won’t cry. I refuse.’

But I couldn’t help feeling like my throat was being squeezed shut, that same powerless sensation washing over me like it had back in the hospital. Hot tears streamed over my cheeks as I tried to desperately gasp for air. Realising that yes, I most certainly had cancer, and yes there was a chance of rehabilitation- taking modern technology for it - but there was still that sting in my gut that told me to prepare for the worst.

With that exact feeling I went to bed that night, allowing no one near me since I’d left dinner. The security of my door locked shut tranquilized me and eventually I dozed off.

 

Levi

-☤-

“Levi, you’re grinding your teeth again.”

“I need to get a smoke.”

Petra huffed at me, her thin frame resting atop of me. She was light as a feather, her slightly curved body putting no strain on my own. “I know it might not be the right time..” She started off hesitantly, her fingers brushing along my chest in a soothing manner. “It’s been a while though, it must’ve been building up..”

“You’re planning something.” I claimed as she reached back to unhook her bra. There wasn’t a part of me that was going to stop her from doing so anyway. Her peachy skin complimented her perky breasts, making them a pleasing view to the eye.

A chuckle escaped Petra. “Guilty as charged.”

In the sweet bliss of our intimacy our faces closed in, suspending the moment we were to kiss - our mouths hungry. It was she who finally ignited the kiss, which she did often. Our dynamics had been rather different, but along the way into our five years together we had overcome most of those.

But there had been something bothering me lately, something I could not put my finger on. My movements weren’t as fluent as they had be, granting me a hard time to keep up with Petra as she moved her way down my chest. Watching her go at it so wholeheartedly while my mind was on a completely different track made me uneasy, I made her stop right before he reached the waistband of my pants.

“You’re.. not yourself today.” She stated, disappointment evident in her words. “Is it me?”

My tongue trailed along the filter edge, rolling the fresh tobacco into a cigarette. “Don’t be ridiculous.” The answer was clear, it was definitely me. “It’s been a tough day.”

“Levi, I won’t know unless you tell me..” Petra urged, her ever so smooth body arching into mine. How much I wanted to retreat I knew there was no way I could run out of this as well. I had my responsibilities, she was one of them.

Though I brushed her sweet gesture off, claiming it was just the exhaustion getting to me. She bought it as I had been remarkably busy lately so suspecting anything off in my behaviour wasn’t really evident. Petra had always been rather gullible.

She fell asleep soon after I had calmed her down a little, the sound of her breathing the only noise that kept me awake that night. I soon fell into brooding, reflecting on how today had been. First the entire argument with Nanaba, then a near-death at the ICU after a car crash. The afternoon meeting had been way too long and skipping dinner for the third time that week had made me irritable beyond belief.

The only exceptionally good thing about the day was the biopsy.

How ironic.  

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I can't say I'm satisfied with this chapter, but for the sake of posting on JD's birthday I figured this was quite enough. Wanted to have this done before Christmas.
> 
> Happy Birthday JD, you would've been 22 this year. Here's your present.


	4. Announcement

Hello everyone! Kris here with a bit of a message to tell you all!

First of all I want to thank all of you who've been around, it means a lot to me to have people reading and liking my work! I know it has been a while since I've updated this story, January has been so terribly busy; first three weeks of killer midterms followed by packing my things because I will be moving to a new dorm tomorrow. Super excited! So once I'm all settled in - which will probably be tomorrow - I'll be working on the next chapter and it will definitely be up by next week! 

Hope to have you all with me :) 

\- Kris

P.S. I will be updating on progress and such on my tumblr from now on! Come and find me!


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